Most editions of the books have a glossary at the back, and I put together a comprehensive version from all the versions I've found.
| Apple Catchers |
These are attractive huge pants. Pants that are big enough to collect a lot of apples in. Another term for this sort of commodious pant is “harvest festivals” (i.e., all is safely gathered in). |
| Bagsie |
If you say this it means, “Oy, that is mine,” meaning “Oy, I have bagged that.” It’s probably an old poacher’s term. And believe me, there are a lot of old poachers in the North. |
| Barm Pot |
A fruitcake. If you say, “You barm pot” it’s not like saying, “You loonie”; it’s more sort of affectionate. Like saying: “Oooh, you slight idiot.” |
| Bejesus |
This is from Hiddly Diddly land (Oireland). It’s a not-too-naughty swear. Like “Oh my word, you caught me on the knee with that hockey ball.” Or, gadzooks. Is that any help? No, I thought not. |
| Boots |
A large drugstore chain selling mostly cosmetics. |
| Borstal |
Is a place for very bad yoof. Like a young person’s prison. Woolfe Academy is sort of like Borstal, only the yoof (mostly Charlie, Jack, and Phil) are allowed out now and again to go on cross-country hops. The hope is that this will make them stop being naughty and get a job in a bank. This is the hope. |
| The Brontë Sisters |
Em, Chazza, and Anne. They lived in Haworth in Yorkshire in … er … well, a while ago. And they wrote Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre, and loads of other stuff about terrible weather conditions and moaning. But in a good way. |
| Cat’s Pajamas |
When someone (like Cain for instance) thinks they are just too great for words. Like when a cat is so full of itself it shows off in its pajamas. OK, I’ve never really seen cats out shopping for pajamas, but they must do it sometime. Otherwise why would this be a saying? Grammar never lies. |
| Corkers |
Another word for girls’ jiggly bits. Also known as norkers. Honkers, etc. Cousin Georgia calls them “nunga-nungas.” She says because when you pull them out like an elastic band, they go nunga-nunga-nunga. I will be the last to know whether this is true or not. |
| Corkie Harness, Corker Holders |
Something to hold the corkers pert and not too jiggly. A bra. |
| The Dane |
Hamlet. All actors do this. Refuse to tell you what’s going on. It’s like never saying “Macbeth,” and always calling it “the Scottish play.” If we all did this, where would we be? I don’t know. No one would know. |
| Mr. Darcy (and Mrs. Rochester) |
Two characters well known for their sense of fun. Not. Mr. Darcy was in Pride and Prejudice and at first he was all snooty and huffy; then he fell in a lake and came out with his shirt all wet. And then we all loved him. In a swoony way. Mrs. Rochester was Mr. Rochester’s secret wife in Jane Eyre that he kept in a cupboard upstairs. She was mad as a snake and would only wear her nightie. In the end it all finished happily because she set fire to the house, went up on the roof for a bit of a dance about, and tripped over her nightie and fell to her death. Leaving Mr. Rochester blind. This is one of Em, Chazza, and Anne’s more comic novels. |
| Dunderwhelp |
A polite Yorkshire way of saying: “You are an absolute disgrace of a person. Look at your knees.” |
| Egg Cosies |
Little knitted hats for keeping boiled eggs warm. |
| Fogwear |
Yes. What is fogwear? A car headlight strapped to your cap perhaps? A foghorn handbag? It doesn’t matter. No one is going to see it anyway. |
| Garyboy |
Anyone called Gary is a gay person. By that I mean Cain, Seth, and Ruben Hinchcliff say this. And even if someone called Gary wasn’t gay at first, he would be by the time he had been told he was for fourteen years. |
| Get a cob on |
To have the monk on. You don’t know what that means either, do you? Erm . . . To have a face like a smacked arse. Does that help? Well, I’m trying to help, don’t get a cob on. |
| Ginnel |
Now this is Viking. It is. I do know this. A ginnel is a narrow passageway that runs between two sets of terraced houses. So there is a wall on either side. And it’s narrow. I don’t know why the Vikings had anything to do with it, though, because terraced houses weren’t invented when they were in Yorkshire pillaging stuff. |
| Gogglers |
Eyes. To goggle is to look at stuff. If you couldn’t see anything then you would need gogs. |
| Golden Slippers of Applause |
Sidone, the revered and possibly mentally unstable principal of Dother Hall, has her own unique view of the world. Especially the showbiz world. In this world she is obsessed by feet. So her opposite of the “golden slippers of applause” is “the bleeding feet of rejection.” |
| Heathcliff |
The “hero” of Wuthering Heights. Although no one knows why. He’s mean, moody, and possibly a bit on the pongy side. Cathy loves him, though. She shows this by viciously rejecting him and marrying someone else for a laugh. Still, that is true love on the moors for you. |
| Heavens to Betsy |
An expression of astonishment like . . . “Gosh!” Or, “Crikey!” Or, as they say in Yorkshire: “Well, I’ll go to the top of our stairs!” I know it makes little sense but believe me it’s best not to argue about these things with Yorkshire folk. Or they will very likely get a cob on. (see previous) |
| Hiddly Diddly Diddly |
The sound of all Irish songs (and dances). It fits them all. Try it. |
| Human Glue |
Aaaaah, this is the mysterious thing that happens when two people kiss and there is a sort of “uuuummphhh” moment because they both like it so much. And after that, it’s like they have magnetic lips that glue themselves to each other. I thought that Cousin Georgia had told me about it but actually I think I made it up. Which probably makes me a genius. Or an idiot. |
| Iron Man Group |
An all-men’s group that hangs around with other men so that they can find their inner man-iness. Usually they knit a lot. In caves. |
| Jazz Hands |
Sidone loves jazz hands. Essentially it’s sticking your hands out a lot while lurching around to jazz. |
| Laiking Around |
This means larking about. Or playing. It sounds quite fun, doesn’t it? But it isn’t. Especially not if it is Cain, the Dark Rusty Crow of Heckmondwhite, who is laiking around. You don’t want Cain to “laik around” with you. Unless you like ending up sitting in the village stream in your best dress and then having to go to bed crying for two weeks. |
| Lawks-a-mercy |
“Crikey” but longer. |
| Lollipop Lady |
We have ladies who help children cross roads after school. They wear yellow coats and have big sticks with a round disc on the top that says STOP! To stop the cars whilst the children cross the road. The stick with the round stop thing looks like a lollipop. If you normally eat six-foot lollipops. |
| Loosey-goosey |
You know. All floppy. Like a floppy—er—goose. |
| Manky Pillock |
“Manky” means “smelly,” and “pillock” . . . well, “pillock” is a combination of “dunderwhelp” and “barm pot” with just a hint of the “garyboy.” |
| Mardy Bum |
Someone who is so bad-tempered and “mardy” that even their bottom is annoyed. Like Beverley when she found out that although she was engaged to Cain (she bought her own ring), he had two other girlfriends. Which is why she flung herself in the river. And ruined her dress because the river was only two inches deep. |
| Mummers Play |
Not a mummy’s play, which is what I thought at first. Because a mummy’s play would be quite dull. People all wrapped up in bandages and dead. No, centuries ago when people didn’t have anything to do and it got dark at three in the afternoon (and that was in summer) they had to make their own “fun.” They had loads of sheep and woad (blue dye) so Ethelred the Unready or someone said, “Lawks it is boring eth what can we do eth? I know eth lettus dye ourselves blue and go eth to ye local pub and bang people over the heads with these sheep bladders. Oh how they will eth laugh. It will be a hoot eth.” And so we have been pretending to be them (the “mummers”) for the last 800 years. |
| Nobbliness |
I’m on firmer ground here. Nobbly bits are usually bony bits that look, well, nobbly. I have loads of it. In the knee area. |
| Noddy Niddy Noddy |
A person who doesn’t have much furniture upstairs. Or to make it clearer: A person who has the lights on, but no one is home. |
| Northern Grit |
Umph and determination. If you say to a Northern person: “Don’t go out in that storm, you barm pot. The rain is coming down so hard you will be reduced to half your height.” The Northerner would say: “What rain?” And go out in his underpants. |
| “On Ilkley Moor Bar T’at” |
A song about someone who goes out on Ilkley moor without a hat. Yes it is. There is probably another one that goes, “Went down t’shops to get some lard.” |
| Plectrum |
Surely you know what a plectrum is? How do you pluck your guitars in America? And I know you do pluck a lot of guitars because I’ve seen old repeats of Bonanza and Dallas. But I will explain … it’s that bit of plastic stuff that you hold in your fingers to stroke the strings so that you don’t chip your nail polish. |
| Quakebottom |
Someone who is so nervous and frightened that even their bottom is shaking. |
| Rufty-Tufty |
tough (tuf) and rough (ruf) and ty (ty) |
| Shuffle-ball-change |
A tap-dancing technique, i.e., hopping. |
| Sjuuuge |
When toddlers don’t have many teeth (or brains) they can’t say words properly. So this means “huge.” Either that or they do know how to say “huge” and are just being annoying. Maybe toddlers can really secretly talk from birth. I bet they can read as well. They are just having a laugh. And being lazy. |
| Sled-werk |
An artistic term used to describe the “Sled-ists” of Norway, who painted with sledges. So Georgia tells me. |
| Snogging Scale |
Cousin Georgia has a snogging scale from one to ten. She told me about it when I visited her last holidays. I think it starts with “holding hands” and goes on getting, you know, more snoggy. Until Number 10, whatever that is. I don’t really remember much after “tongues,” which I think was 5. I must ask her to write it down for me when I next see her. |
| Splice the Mainbrace |
A bit like “Swab the poop deck!” A nautical term of astonishment. Like “Shiver my timbers” and “Left hand down a bit.” |
| Tannoy |
You call this a public address (PA) system apparently. Which is a very polite term for something which in Yorkshire is a lunatic shouting at you over a loudspeaker on a train. |
| Yarooo! |
“Hurrah” only spelled wrong. |
| Yeppity Doo Dah |
I think this can be laid firmly at the feet of the American nation. It was the Americans who invented a song called “Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah,” and because that made little sense we now say “Yeppity doo dah.” To mean “yes.” |